niggas and flies

so a poem was born after all! knew that was all good for somethin...

"n-bomb"

the word nigger seeped into my life,
unnoticed, until one day i looked down and
wham- there was nigger, encroaching on my space,
leaving a stain on my childhood-
you know, one a them stains that dont come off
ever
no matter how much soap and bleach you use,
no matter how long you let it soak.
it just gets bigger and uglier and
maybe a little faded but its still there.

so ever since i can remember,
its been me and nigger,
all big and brown and blatant
hanging on my sleeve for everyone to see.
it was one of those clingy friends
you know, the kind that no one likes,
but everyone's nice to anyway?
not me. i hated nigger-
this stain spreading from my sleeve to my shoulders,
dripping down my back, burning my skin.

in my bitterness, my young tongue began to curse nigger,
my throat gargling out the word to the world
like spit, like mucus, like vomit:
fuck you, nig-guh.
who's a nig-guh.
that dumb nig-guh.
each syllable like a punch in the stomach,
bringing me down, lower and lower
until one day a boy came up to me
and christened me a nigga.
what up, my nigga!

just like that, a friendly curse.

by then the stain had spread to my face
and made its way to my lips
and into my mouth,
and when i tried to respond
i choked on nigger, which was busy sliding down my throat
into the pit of my stomach.
i tried to breathe in and nigger filled up my lungs
and made them black and blue.
nigger was a parasite, and it had found a way to
work itself into my melanin.

my body don't like nigger very much.

it tried to kick nigger out way back when,
cough it back up
piss it back out,
get rid of it somehow.
but now its stuck with me for good.
we're together till i die, which shouldn't be too long.
nigger is killing me, choking the life out of this body,
squeezing the blood out of this pumping heart.