hello, america!

so it's been a while since i've updated this thing. i figured it was about time, at least for the novelty of being able to say "i updated my blog yah im so cool" blah. i must be getting very boring. i dont have much to say or much to write although a lot has happened, i'm sure.

im 20 now. whoo. i crave cheesecake and red velvet cake all the time, sometimes together. i have a job at a jazz club, although im still worried abt how im gonna make the rent. i still haven't been to philly. i found out my gramma is a gemini-cancer cusp (we think) today. that was pretty interesting. i could never remember if her bday was june 21 or july 21. according to my cousin, its in june. shame, cuz i would rather a july bday- seeing as how imtaking my gma's bday from now on. oh yeah, i guess thats pretty new and exciting. i have to verify the date tho.

i never intended for this blog to be some sort of diary thing- rather, i hoped it would be a place where i cold post my writings. but i haven't written i n about a month (the last thing i wrote that i can remember was for the qwoc writing group that i sort of quit). i write a lot in my head, but its such a bother to pick up a pen or to type something up. i feel very uninspired. very bored. one of my favorite games,though, is to write ppl letters. i do it alot and if i promised you a letter way bck, say... in may, i apologize abt not getting it to you. i have a letter to a friend thats been sitting on my kitchen counter for abt a month now, so sad. i need a day when i can just go tot he library and knock some shit out- although i havent been tot he library at all lately. no reason, except for a lack of time.

i have become a sleepy cat who would rather be in dreamland. my dreams are always so vivid and intricate that i really wish i could remember them when conscious.

i am babysitting for my cousin right now, for the whole wkend. the "kids" are a black dog named hudson and a whiteblackorange cat named puddytat. both adorable and well behaved (and maintained). my cuz has a nice place- three huge rooms and a patio/backyard/garden area. i like it here. i just wish it werent so empty and quiet.

complete and utter sadness.

no more tetrollapse? i dont know what to do with myself now. :'(

writing prompts #2 & #3

#2- thunderstorms

there's a thunderstorm going on outside. this type of weather always frightened me as a child, the heavy rain, the unexpected boom. if i ever got caught in a thunderstorm, i would walk around with my hands covering my head, as if i could shield myself from the weather by holding up my hands to the sky, and saying, "no!"

i once saw a flash of lightning hit my father's car. it lay next to my aunt's house, dormant, as we sat on the patio and enjoyed the coolness of the summer rain. suddenly, there was a crash, and the automobile sprang to life, lights flashing, alarms blaring.

i always felt like that car. still, dead, waiting for someone to spontaneously come into my life and wake me up with a jolt.

in eight grade, our science teacher taught us that thunder is composed of energy, and that everything gave off an energy that thunder was attracted to. even humans had a stream of positive light beaming from the top of their head. thunder did not strike you- there is a compromise that happens, a joining of positive and negative energy in the sky.


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#3- sad attempt @ erotica

there is a spot on the railing where the enamel has worn off from too much rubbing.

i have heard them call her lazy, even slow, but i know that she would rather watch, enjoy time instead of letting life pass her by. i used to be the same way, before the dullness of the dark house began to rob me of the joys in life. i used to marvel at every detail of life, the way that music can

...

now i just sit and watch her. marvel at how beautiful and expressive her face is when doing her chores, watch sweat drip from her brow as she twists her face in concentration, making sure every spot of dirt is off of the floor. she spends a lot of time on the stairwell, lightly running her fingers down the rail, searching for a spot of dirt she missed. and lately, i have noticed her watching me.

so i perform for her. i dance around the living room in exaggerated movements, trying to make her smile. i whirl my dress around me, and sometimes drag my hem up my calf slowly, waiting to hear a scandalized gasp. i can never fully shock her, though, instead she stares at me in amusement from her post at the bottom of the railing.

today i held out a brush to her, daring her to take it.

...

sometimes she whispers secrets to me. not in words, but through her fingers on my scalp, making the hairs on my nape stand with the stories that she tells me.