bahhhh

my gpa passed away yesterday. it seems so funny to say passed away... so gentle. he died. my pop pop is dead.

it hasn't sunk in... when we saw his body laying in the hospital bed, it looked like he was sleeping. like he was breathing slowly. his eyes were still open... they looked watery and sad. he looked so sad. his hands were white and swollen.

he was an engineer, a northeastern grad, a sax player, a mason, a dad, an uncle, a pop pop.. he rarely ever had a complaint, and would always tell you that he was super, never better.

after watching his hands turn whiter and more rigid, i started to hate the feeling of my own hands. they felt heavy and temporary. they felt like flesh.

i want to come back to this. i want to give myself the space and time to cry for my grandfather and then come back to this.

notes from class

hey all.

here are some one-liners that i really liked and wrote down from my class. prob won't make a lot of sense to anyone else, which is fine by me:

"she invites people to deconstruct her"

"commodification of history"

"a weeping audience that doesn't agree"

"we only have language for what we are comfortable with- but what about the moments when we lose language?"

"to define Self, you need an Other."

"Dont be a menace to south central while drinking your juice in the hood" (lol)

"all of our American narratives are formed through the lens of minstrelsy"

d'awww.

"you gotta remember that not a lot of people do div 3s that involve working with other people and i think its awesome that you are doing that. but it means that you gotta count on people you dont even know to show up to an audition. its like youre building a house or something, you gotta lay the foundation then put down the floor then put up the frame and add the roof and at first you look at the ground and youre like theres no way in hell theres gonna be a house here but eventually you look up and theres a fucking house that you built with other people."

- Sarah R.

this made me feel so much better abt div, you have no idea.