ideal relationships

ive been talking a lot abt this for the past couple of days. mostly because a lot of my friends have had this janterm romance or fling and although i can be a bit envious, i dont think that i am currently in the right "place" to have one of my own. but if i was, an ideal relationship for me would look like this:

i'd need someone who is fun. someone who would want to play with me, someone spontaneous, who would be up for playing in the snow and making art together as well as going on random road trips and sneaking away together for a couple of days. i want someone who is funny and loves laughing but can be serious. someone who is passionate abt what they are doing/studying, someone i am constantly learning from but someone i can share my knowledge with. they have to believe in something, some sort of truth, enough to fight for it. not necessarily a religion, but spiritual in the sense that they are constantly emitting good energy into the world. theyve got to like drinking tea and reading together on rainy days. most importantly, they've actually got to like/respect me and want to actively be with me.

sounds good so far, right? fairytale perfect?

the catch is that my ideal relationship would also involve no emotional attachment. yep. emotions complicate things. or maybe.. id want to be emotionally uninvolved for the first month or two, and then decide whether or not we want to involve emotions later. like, turn the emotional switch off in the beginning, and then maybe turn it back on later. my friends say that this is unrealistic but DUR that's why it's an ideal.

i dunno. what do you think? what's yr ideal relationship?

obama inauguration, washington dc, tues 1/21

"our eyes are going to meet over the crowd and i'm going to wave my hands at him and say 'obama!' and he's going to nod his head and put his fist to his heart and say 'obama' and we're going to have a beautiful moment together."

"obama's not jesus!"

"what are you talking abt?"

"that's what you would do if you meet jesus. obama's not jesus!"

"no- if i met jesus, we wouldn't have to share words. we'd just see each other and know."

dear father

"god wanted to know himself so he spilt himself in two."

---

our father (&mother) which art in heaven (zion?)
hallowed be thy name...
and give us this day our daily bread...

and lead us beside the still waters
and restore my soul(?).

repent, repent, repent- dirty sinner.

---

she wanted to know how i could still love Him, how i could forgive Him,

"how can you see Him in this idealistic light when He left you? the way you talk abt Him is so... mysterious."

my father didnt leave me we left him my father didnt leave me we left him myfatherdidntleavemewelefthim.

"you mean yr mother left him."

no, i mean i left him.

my father is a man to be pitied, to be taken care of, to be reminisced abt, not to be angry with.

---

andhallowedbethynameandrestoreoursoulsandleadonthepathofrighteousnessforhissakeyeathoifearnoevilamen.

cute.

she's smug in a way that's frustrating, but still attractive.

its in the way she flicks her hair, looks down and smirks.
its in the darting glance upwards before clearing her throat.
its in the look she gave me that day before driving away.

i got one word for you, babe- "hubris".
just feel lucky god made you so damn cute.

a little lonely...

so i cuddle with my computer.

can't sleep. need body heat. lol.

i went to a party tonight sober-and stayed sober. i'm quite proud. its a first for me @ hamp. my tummy feels better from last night's hangover.

last night i vommed in a box but only a little.

i miss skrimbleskramblez.

i made a breakup mix before break. it was weird because i wasn't breaking up with anyone.. but i might go listen to it now. i feel anxious for some reason. maybe itll help relax me?? i dunno.

do you know any good sad and/or breakup songs???

dream interpretations

i had a dream i didn't get the grrl. go figure. i kissed her three times and she shied away and said, "maybe later." a modmate got the grrl tho, which quite awkward.

it still hurts a little. especially since i was covered head to toe in flour.

i lent her a bra and her friend needed shoes. but they weren't satisfied. the bras were too big (makes sense) but it just made me feel worse.

someone lent me two books.

my friend liz came up from boston and made a fool of herself. she tagged me in all these photos of herself on facebook that were all rly suggestive. haha. and then she came up to hampshire randomly and was rly jealous of all my new friends, but then started hitting on everyone she saw.

but afterwards i won a card game and got 100 pts.

i want to know what this all means. lol.


in real life, a plate broke in half while i was washing it so now there's a cut on my middle finger.