back at hamp

im back and have my gma b on my mind. im rly sad i didnt get a final chance to visit my gma but i think im gonna write her a letter and see if we can do a big family get together for thanksgiving. i will also ask her to pick up the phoen when i call PLEASE.


EDIT: this poem is not worth having up. but i like the beginning and the end:

1: she did not cry
when they put him in the ground.

2: do not be afraid, child. ghosts are the pasts of the living.
the safest place to be is
among the dead.

the rest can all go to shit.

but srsly tho

oh decemberists, you guys are such debbie downers.

dreams

all of my recent dreams seem to be about some apocalyptic queer brown revolution. everyone seems to like this until i tell them that in my dreams we are dying. we are forced to live like scavengers, only coming out when we can cloak our blackness with the heavy darkness of night. but for the first time in a long time i had a nicer dream. i met a woman. she was beautiful and her house had the most lovely garden, filled with all of my favorite yellow flowers. we talked about i dont remember what- but i do remember that our conversation left me feeling exceptionally happy. i left her house tasting like lemon bars and despite myself, i ran. was i running to the store? i can't remember. but i could run, for once in my dream i didnt feel like i was being weighed down by my body. i passed my old philly neighborhood, waved to the old friends and neighbors who cheered me on as i ran. i turned the corner and saw an old high school peer riding his bike. he gave me a big wave, toppled off his bike, and was thrown into traffic, where he was run over by the nearest car. and i didn't even have time to avert my eyes.

justwrite.

okay, im stealing an idea from a friend. i feel like i need to just.. write. maybe this will help me get over my fear of divplay. so- philly.

i love it here. i feel so comfortable walking and exploring- everyone seems so friendly. my neighborhood is the type of place where people see you on the street and say hello, ask how you're doing. i tell my brother this and he laughs at me, says that i have the cloak of blackness to hide my outsiderness, at least until i open my mouth. if i stay quiet then i can probably pass for so and so's neicedaughterauntycousinsister. south philly isn't the part of philly that i'm used to. here, the streets are so narrow that drivers have to park on the curb. when we moved in, it took helyx about twenty minutes to finally lift the wheel of the car onto the sidewalk. two neighbors mentioned it to us the next morning, about how they laughed at the whiteboy who couldn't park right. sometimes when we leave the house, men call us ladies. of course, being called a lady is a lot better than being called other things- it's respectful. but i have to admit that i get jealous of helyx's ability to pass for a boy sometimes, even if it was only a trick of the night. i am beginning to realize that i will miss large amount of black people that i see everyday. black and brown bodies just being. yes, i will even miss the men&women on street corners, on subways, on bus rides, in corner stores, on park benches, who praise my body with their eyes and their mouths. my self esteem has been beat up by hampshire's stupid standards of beauty for so long that after a while, every cat call feels like a blessing, a thankyou to my brown thickness.

but i think i am ready for trees again. i forget what a million little stars look like from inside of a cornfield. i am ready to spend my days lounging on the grass, pushing off all thoughts of the real world, at least for another year.

being selfish for once

i am lonely in this place
filled with people who
call me by the wrong name.
or the right name. i can't
remember which one.

it has always been hard for me to
use my voice here.
in the real world, so many
parts of myself seem fake.
contrived.
it is hard for me to tell
when i'm dreaming.

najee gives me words of wisdom through texts:
before you can find someone
to love, you
should get a plant,
have a pet for a few years.
give it some time.
find yourself.

i am impatient. i want
to have fun, to
have someone pay for my popcorn and
hold my hand during the scary
parts of the movie.

cyree tells me
you already have that.
how are those things different
from your friends?
what do you truly need?
take your time and
think. really hard.

i am restless. i want
to be somewhere else
doing something new.
i have dreams of
new people and
new places.

my mother tells me
you are living above your means.
what is your back up plan?
i will not always be here
for you to fall back on.
slow down.
live your politics.
think about what's really important.

i don't want to listen.
i want
to get away from here.
i want
to be selfish for once.
but what am i running away from?
what do i need?
i don't know.


*pretty old, but always relevant.

Lemon Rosemary Scones

Ingredients

2½ cups unbleached, all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon table salt
1 tablespoon lemon zest
1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into ½-inch cubes, room temperature
2/3 cup buttermilk
1 large egg
2 tablespoons heavy cream (for brushing)

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper; reserve.
Place the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, zest and rosemary in the bowl of the Cuisinart Hand Stand Mixer. Using the flat beaters, mix the dry ingredients on speed 1 to combine. Add the butter and mix on speed 2 until mixture is shaggy. Reduce the speed to 1. With the mixer running, slowly add the liquid ingredients until just combined; do not over mix.
Pour the mixture onto a clean counter/large cutting board. Form the dough into a 10-inch disc, about 1-inch high. Using a sharp knife, cut into 8 even pieces. Place on prepared baking sheet. Brush each scone with heavy cream. Bake in preheated oven for about 30 to 35 minutes or until golden brown.
Let cool before serving.

(http://www.cuisinart.com/recipes/breakfast/839.html)

Oprah's Legend's Lemon Drop Martini- THANKS OPRAH

• Juice of 6 lemons
• 4 tablespoons sugar
• 6 fresh mint leaves
• 4 shots vodka
• Ice in shaker
• 1 sugar-rimmed martini glass

Directions:

Mix lemon juice, sugar and vodka in a martini shaker filled with ice. Shake well and pour into sugar-rimmed martini glass. Garnish with mint.

(http://www.oprah.com/food/Oprahs-Legends-Lemon-Drop-Martini)

Oatmeal Apple Cranberry Scones

Ingredients [ View Metric ]

	2 c All-purpose flour
	1 c Uncooked rolled oats
	1/3 c Sugar
	2 ts Baking powder
	1/2 ts Salt
	1/2 ts Baking soda
	1/2 ts Ground cinnamon
	3/4 c Unsweetened Apple Sauce;
	2 tb Margarine
	1/2 c Coarsely chopped cranberries
	1/2 c Peeled; chopped apple
	1/4 c Skim milk
	1/4 c Honey; plus
	2 tb Honey; divided

Preparation

Preheat oven to 425F. Spray baking sheet with nonstick cooking spray. In large bowl, combine flour, oats, sugar, baking powder, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon. Add 1/2 cup of apple sauce and margarine; cut in with pastry blender or fork until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in cranberries and apple. In small bowl, combine milk and 1/4 cup honey. Add milk mixture to flour mixture; stir together until dough forms a ball. Turn out dough onto well-floured surface; knead 10 to 12 times. Pat dough into 8 inch circle. Place on prepared baking sheet. Use tip of knife to score dough into 12 wedges. In another small bowl, combine remaining 1/4 cup apple sauce and 2 tablespoons honey. Brush mixture over top of dough. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until lightly browned. Immediately remove from baking sheet; cool on wire rack 10 minutes. Serve warm or cool completely. Cut into 12 wedges.

(http://www.bigoven.com/recipe/116696/Oatmeal-Apple-Cranberry-Scones-%28Motts%29)

And Cranberry Apple Martini

Drink Recipe Ingredients:

• 1 oz. Smirnoff Cranberry Flavored Vodka (25 oz. per bottle)
• .5 oz. Smirnoff Green Apple Flavored Vodka (25 oz. per bottle)
• .5 oz. cranberry juice
• 1 slice(s) apple

* I'm thinking about things that I can make that are season appropriate and also use the resources that we have at Hampshire. Fall brings lots of apples- I'm thinking that I can make my own applesauce. I doubt I need to by Smirnoff vodka, either, but can definitely use Hampshire apples for garnish.

i'm gonna bake a lot this fall- just you wait.

Marbled Pumpkin Cheesecake Muffins

Filling:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Muffins:
1 3/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar, packed
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 ¼ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon each nutmeg, allspice and cloves
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 large egg
1 1/4 cups canned pumpkin (not pie filling)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray top of a muffin tin with cooking spray and line the 12 cups with liners.

Prepare filling. Beat together cream cheese and sugar, then stir in egg and vanilla. Set aside.

In a mixing bowl, thoroughly stir together flour, both sugars, salt, baking soda, cinnamon and spices.

In another mixing bowl, blend oil, egg, pumpkin and vanilla. Add flour mixture to pumpkin mixture and stir until combined.

Fill muffin cups about 1/3 of the way full with pumpkin mixture. Spoon cream cheese mixture over pumpkin, dividing evenly between all 12 cups. Spoon a drop of pumpkin batter on top of cream cheese. Pumpkin batter will be thick and will not cover entire top, so the appearance will be similar to a bulls eye.

Bake for 23-25 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack.

(found at http://www.cookiemadness.net/2007/10/marbled-pumpkin-cheesecake-muffins )

...and a drink to go with it!

Ginger Brandy Tea!

2 oz. Ginger Brandy - (more Ginger Brandy drinks)
2 tsp. Honey - (more Honey drinks)
1 cup(s) Tea (Lemon herbal tea) - (more Tea drinks)

Instructions

Brew the tea and use an extra tea bag. Fill a coffee mug with 3/4 tea, 1/4 brandy. Stir in the honey.

(found here: http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks/c/cure-for-what-ails-ya-6660.html)