I wrote myself a letter today...

Dear Self-

I was inspired by Oprah today (lolz) to do self-affirmations and envision what I want, so that I can achieve these goals. On the list of what I want is, of course, my passport, my license, new clothes and all of that good stuff. But I also want to be "normal" sized. People telling you that you are beautiful and "not overweight" is very kind, but rather annoying. Because to everyone else, you are huge. You are fat and you can't fit into a lot of clothes at a lot of stores. Is that normal? You get back pains form your extremely large breasts while your skinny friend can go around braless. Is that normal too? I am tired of feeling this way about my body. I am tired of feeling fat. I am tired of being fat. But most importantly I am tired of not doing anything about it. Occasionally, I get the drive to do some pushups for a week or two, but it always fails after a while. I want this time to be different. I know that I have to take it a day at a time- that's the only way to succeed. From now on, I will make an effort to change the way I look, feel, and think about myself. I will do this through exercise and personal grooming and affirmatives:

* I will walk to and from the T Station every day (unless the weather won't permit it). This will help me with my weight, along with saving me money. 

* I will do stretches and exercise daily in my room. 

* I will actively play with my little brother (badminton, volleyball, walks, bike rides, swimming, etc instead of videogames, watching TV) every week. 

* I will drink as much water as humanly possible.

* I will eat regularly. No more 1 meal a day- I think I'm making myself very sick and faint that way. And no eating after 9PM!

* I will feel good about how I dress and look, while also telling myself so all the time. 

* I will masturbate regularly (hey, this is healthy and relaxing- don't judge me! It worked for my friend.) 

* I will take time to groom myself (nice-smelling lotions, perfume (??), manicures, make-up, play with different hair styles).

* When I'm bored, I'll go pick up a book or write, rather than bumming out on the computer, as usual. An active mind, an active body- they go hand in hand. 

These will be the keys to my success!! I will blog my progress. 

-Damali (aka Stokes) 

Day 1: 5 min of stretching, 30 side crunches, 20 start crunches, 1 push-up (ish), lolz.

Weighed in at: 250lbs. I can't believe I put on 20-30 lbs in a year. Yikes.