happy bday to you

i want to write this before the day is over.

today was my little brother's bday. he is 9- wow. it blows my mind, thinking abt how he is now 9 yrs old and im 19 and i was only one yr older than him when i first held him in my arms and now.... now i cant even pick him up. he's almost up to my shoulders, which is pretty tall for an elementary school student. there is so much i want to tell him. like to make sure he puts down the seat when he pees and to listen and not talk back when mom is scolding him.

but more importantly how to spit rly far without it dribbling down yr chin or how to convince mom to let you extend yr bad time or how to sneak icecream out of the freezer in the middle of the night.. and how to grow up to be this "big strong man" everyone keeps telling him to be (already) without being a big ole jerk. that his masculinity doesnt have to equal total machismo and that a little femininity never hurt anyone. that his ability to cry when he feels sad is something that i rly envy and admire abt him.

and im thinking abt when he was younger and he wouldnt let me hold him without struggling because he'd kick and scream and boy was he the most obnoxious baby ever. and i call him bighead because that's one of the first things that the doctor mentioned when he was born and back then we called him mister man because he looked old and sour in the face. that one of the reasons i get excited to come home from school is so i can hit him upside the head cuz he knows im way too self conscious to accept all that love in public but i kiss his forehead and tuck him in at night when he's asleep.

and, oh man, when you were little i would have to duck when i changed yr diaper cuz otherwise you'd try to pee on me but once you peed on the curtain and laughed abt it and it was gross but kind of cute in a baby boy kind of way. ,

yr one of my best friends but you know that even though ill never say that and instead.. i guess we can just sing some stevie and jam out to some michael and dance the robot to blame it on the boogie and i hope today was a good day and that yr life is long and filled with happiness and fun and family and love and sunshine and basketballs.

"happy birthday to ya,
happy birthday to ya,
happy birthday."