struggling to keep my eyes open

This blog post is a total fritter.

according to very reliable sources (CJJ) a fritter is defined as:

fritter (n): a task that can justifiably be argued as an excuse from important obligations (ie- work) but is still used as a way to procrastinate.

frittering: the act of fulfilling a fritter; procrastinating by keeping busy.


however, according to the dictionary, it means:

fritter verb
he frittered away his inheritance squander, waste, misuse, misspend, dissipate; overspend, spend like water, be prodigal with, run through, get through; informal blow, splurge, pour/throw down the drain. antonym save.


I like my definition better. using verbs as nouns are totally rad.

i am justifying this post because i have been told by numerous sources that i must update this blasted thing. why? i dont know. nothing that exciting happens here. not much that i would want to report here either. except that my leg is bleeding right now. no, really. it is.

ive been feeling pretty good but also worried. about everything. school work, money, friends. mostly friends. i worry about everyone and everything and i constantly feel like i should be doing more for everybody. i know that the one person i should learn to worry about is myself but to be honest that seems like a waste of time. im doing a lot better health wise. or at least i think i am. i talked to my momma on tuesday and it made me feel good. ive been sleeping a lot. way too much. i have this calm feeling, like i dont have any homework to do or anything to worry about or catch up on. i know this is a dirty lie that i keep telling myself and that i need to do better, strive to do more and stop distracting myself. but this year i just dont care.

i also chew on things a lot.

thats a strange confession to make but i feel like its ok to make here. i feel like im teething again, like a baby. its just comforting. i dont know why. i also remembered a part of a dream for the first time in a while. i miss dreams. mine are always so elaborate. i also want poems. i want ppl to write me poems. i feel so dry and ollld. and unproductive. i feel stopped up like im waiting to burst with something good and i cant write or do anything productive until i dont feel so stuck anymore. so give me a poem, give me a prompt, hell give me a letter and i will reciprocate and maybe then i can get something done.

ok now im gonna go take a shower.

do i need to take a shower at this very moment? no.

is this a total fritter on my part? hell yeah.