chair massages

yesterday, i came home generally disappointed by the chair massage i received. and ive noticed something. there has only been one masseuist (however the fuck you spell it) that has given me the massage of my life. i came out of my first massage with her, and felt so good that i started up conversation with annoying hipster boys.

Me: Hey, annoying hipster boy! how's it goin?
AHB: Im ok. Listen to me talk abt this rly pretentious thing...
Me: Wow. I am genuinely interested and intrigued!
AHB: (still talking abt pretentious things)
Me: Hahaha, how interesting! No PoMo!

AHB and I give each other high fives as I skip off into the sunset.

now, i wish that all of my massages could go like that. instead, its more of a struggle to get to touch me. i mean, they're touching you, but they don't get into it- they don't dig deep. and i would say that maybe its a size thing:



but i dont think thats it, because the person to give me the best massage of my life was small and skinny.

but my interaction with the other chair massage guy was more like this:

CMG: let me know if this is enough pressure
Me: i will when you start
CMG: ive been going for abt 5 min now.
Me:...oh.

damn, i feel like i came out of that chair massage more tense than i originally went in there feeling. whenever he would get to a place on my back that hurt, i would push back onto hand just to feel any sort of pressure! i came out with bigger knots than originally, and a headache.

although, that wasn't my worst chair massage experience.

some bad past experiences:

* i had a massager who smelled like boiled onions who decided to give me the longest massage ever
* i had a massager who took themselves way too seriously, played weird music and wouldnt let me talk during my massage
* i had an ok massage one day, but when i put my glasses back on, i couldnt see straight for hours! everything was blurry...
* i waited in a long ass line for a 5 minute massage.. that sucked
* i fell asleep during my massage once and didnt remember it. i still think she just let me sleep and didnt gimme a massage

ok, the list goes on, and im sure you get the point.

i guess my words of wisdom to leave yall with is... not to NOT go to the chair massage. free massages, from 3-8, five days a week? thats friggin sweet!!! take advantage of that shit!! i would just say that its all abt finding the right massager for you. i need someone who will dig deep. and will give pleasant conversation. others need someone who will be a little gentler, and grunt in weird sexual ways in their ear... thats another thing.. it feels like yr barely putting effort on my back, why are you breathing so heavily on my neck...? this is just weird!... but i digress.

so yes. the right massager for you. take advantage.... and if you RLY love me, then youll give me a quick lil backrub next time you see me... i promise you, i need it.