bahhhh

my gpa passed away yesterday. it seems so funny to say passed away... so gentle. he died. my pop pop is dead.

it hasn't sunk in... when we saw his body laying in the hospital bed, it looked like he was sleeping. like he was breathing slowly. his eyes were still open... they looked watery and sad. he looked so sad. his hands were white and swollen.

he was an engineer, a northeastern grad, a sax player, a mason, a dad, an uncle, a pop pop.. he rarely ever had a complaint, and would always tell you that he was super, never better.

after watching his hands turn whiter and more rigid, i started to hate the feeling of my own hands. they felt heavy and temporary. they felt like flesh.

i want to come back to this. i want to give myself the space and time to cry for my grandfather and then come back to this.