Dedicated to my beautiful brown women

"when i am alone"

i don't think much about my pain.
when i am alone
i am separate from my body,
my womanness,
my blackness,
my queerness.

when i am alone, i am nothingness.

when i am with my other women of color,
i feel strong, but i feel weak, too.
more fragile.
just by being reminded of their pain, i am
reminded of all those little cracks inside me,
those tiny vulnerable spots that could
cause a chasm inside of me and
tear me in two, make me
crumble to the floor.

but i feel empowered by knowing they are there-
their love is a mother's shield-
they offer up their own bruised (but not broken)
backs to protect mine.
it is this love
and this comfort
and this protection
that helps me grow-
helps me accept the cracks and imperfections,
the human flaws,
so that i can accept what i am
who i am,
that i am real:

my anger is real
my sadness is real
my love is real.
my body and my thoughts and my emotions are
real and raw and valid.

they have taught me that
i am not "nothing"-
i was born out of something beautiful
and we will all continue to grow into
something beautiful.

i look forward to continuing to watch us grow.