captain underpants

"granny panty blues" wed 8/12/09, 10:12am

my mother always sees it fit to
bless me with the gift of endless panties
bulky plastic packages filled with
high waisted, full bottomed granny drawers
while cute teen models on the label show off perfectly toned body parts
and perfectly clean-shaven coochies,
dancing happily in their brightly colored underwear.
i open my package to find enormous tents of
black, grey, white and "nude".
what am i supposed to do with these, i wonder
but instead think its best to drawl out a
"gee, thanks mom"
before running upstairs to shove the bottoms towards the bottom
of my panty drawer.
somehow, i always find myself, months later, looking for a fresh pair
and find nothing but the awkward grey ones with the band that's too loose
or the faded pink ones that are too short in the back
and i put them on begrudgingly, hoping that
no one decides to undress me with their eyes today
and knowing that i'll have to wear the unflattering jeans to match,
instead of the skin tight ones, all the while
wishing i wasn't caught in the awkward space of
yearning for the baggy freedom of boxers or
the slinky sexiness of lace and silk,
so although i'm stuck with grannies today
i think from now on i'll just commando.

first vlog.

written update later

interesting

stole this link from ghost. thanks ghost!



a lot of the books that ive read that talk about minstrelsy compare the hip hop industry, as it stands now, to modern minstrelsy. im not as interested in how black caricatures are portrayed through the music, but more the performance aspect. however, i want to get more into the "evolution" of the black image through music, ending with hip hop. that would be cool. more thoughts to come on that later.

...goodbye, new york.

i won't say goodbye officially until some time this week. i really need to get the hell out of this state. i lost my job, which sucks. the club i was working at decided that they would tell najee and i that they were closing for the month of august... during our shift. literally, hey it's been great but we wont be needing you anymore. so long, loser!

after a long sort of quick chat with cyree (and hir tarot cards) and a super quick chat with my mom, ive decided to ship back up to boston. how i will do this, im not quite sure. i dont really have the money to get back but i definitely dont have the money to stay here so i might as well leave while i can.

every day i ask myself, "how the hell am i getting to london in the fall?" im sure everyone who's close to me asks themselves the same question. ah. we'll see. hopefully i can blog from across the pond soon. i feel like there will be a lot of poetry waiting to be written in london. new york hasnt been much of a muse- probably because everything is so backwards here. every door ive (literally) had to open, i have to do it backwards. turn left to lock, right to open. its hard to call a place home when you cant even figure out how to open the door.

in other news, impromptu g'bye party tonight. fun times at lincy's... i think im gonnab e eating burgers and hot dogs for he rest of my life.. so many leftovers.

hello, america!

so it's been a while since i've updated this thing. i figured it was about time, at least for the novelty of being able to say "i updated my blog yah im so cool" blah. i must be getting very boring. i dont have much to say or much to write although a lot has happened, i'm sure.

im 20 now. whoo. i crave cheesecake and red velvet cake all the time, sometimes together. i have a job at a jazz club, although im still worried abt how im gonna make the rent. i still haven't been to philly. i found out my gramma is a gemini-cancer cusp (we think) today. that was pretty interesting. i could never remember if her bday was june 21 or july 21. according to my cousin, its in june. shame, cuz i would rather a july bday- seeing as how imtaking my gma's bday from now on. oh yeah, i guess thats pretty new and exciting. i have to verify the date tho.

i never intended for this blog to be some sort of diary thing- rather, i hoped it would be a place where i cold post my writings. but i haven't written i n about a month (the last thing i wrote that i can remember was for the qwoc writing group that i sort of quit). i write a lot in my head, but its such a bother to pick up a pen or to type something up. i feel very uninspired. very bored. one of my favorite games,though, is to write ppl letters. i do it alot and if i promised you a letter way bck, say... in may, i apologize abt not getting it to you. i have a letter to a friend thats been sitting on my kitchen counter for abt a month now, so sad. i need a day when i can just go tot he library and knock some shit out- although i havent been tot he library at all lately. no reason, except for a lack of time.

i have become a sleepy cat who would rather be in dreamland. my dreams are always so vivid and intricate that i really wish i could remember them when conscious.

i am babysitting for my cousin right now, for the whole wkend. the "kids" are a black dog named hudson and a whiteblackorange cat named puddytat. both adorable and well behaved (and maintained). my cuz has a nice place- three huge rooms and a patio/backyard/garden area. i like it here. i just wish it werent so empty and quiet.

complete and utter sadness.

no more tetrollapse? i dont know what to do with myself now. :'(

writing prompts #2 & #3

#2- thunderstorms

there's a thunderstorm going on outside. this type of weather always frightened me as a child, the heavy rain, the unexpected boom. if i ever got caught in a thunderstorm, i would walk around with my hands covering my head, as if i could shield myself from the weather by holding up my hands to the sky, and saying, "no!"

i once saw a flash of lightning hit my father's car. it lay next to my aunt's house, dormant, as we sat on the patio and enjoyed the coolness of the summer rain. suddenly, there was a crash, and the automobile sprang to life, lights flashing, alarms blaring.

i always felt like that car. still, dead, waiting for someone to spontaneously come into my life and wake me up with a jolt.

in eight grade, our science teacher taught us that thunder is composed of energy, and that everything gave off an energy that thunder was attracted to. even humans had a stream of positive light beaming from the top of their head. thunder did not strike you- there is a compromise that happens, a joining of positive and negative energy in the sky.


---

#3- sad attempt @ erotica

there is a spot on the railing where the enamel has worn off from too much rubbing.

i have heard them call her lazy, even slow, but i know that she would rather watch, enjoy time instead of letting life pass her by. i used to be the same way, before the dullness of the dark house began to rob me of the joys in life. i used to marvel at every detail of life, the way that music can

...

now i just sit and watch her. marvel at how beautiful and expressive her face is when doing her chores, watch sweat drip from her brow as she twists her face in concentration, making sure every spot of dirt is off of the floor. she spends a lot of time on the stairwell, lightly running her fingers down the rail, searching for a spot of dirt she missed. and lately, i have noticed her watching me.

so i perform for her. i dance around the living room in exaggerated movements, trying to make her smile. i whirl my dress around me, and sometimes drag my hem up my calf slowly, waiting to hear a scandalized gasp. i can never fully shock her, though, instead she stares at me in amusement from her post at the bottom of the railing.

today i held out a brush to her, daring her to take it.

...

sometimes she whispers secrets to me. not in words, but through her fingers on my scalp, making the hairs on my nape stand with the stories that she tells me.